Well there are are a few opportunities out there for me to grab job-wise. I’m amazed how many positions only pay $30,000 a year. I mean, how do people afford to maintain a house, a social life and pay bills? Fer real? and most people make far less than that. No wonder people get married. It’s desperation. Let’s get married, and we can pool our earnings together to buy some ramen together!
Yessss…..
The last two weeks were….
um…well…
Okay, I’m pretty awesome. But I’m not a goddamned mindreader. So how is it reasonable to demand why I, the NEW person, can’t read a person’s mind and glean the information I need and HAVE REQUESTED but have been met with blank stares and “i’m not listening!” faces. When asked why I haven’t done any of the major tasks for an assignment when nothing was ever communicated. Especially with “This is how we’ve done it” HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW THIS? I haven’t been here in the past!!!
I’ve decided my supervisor is emotionally unbalanced. Staring off in nothing, imagining conversations that never happened, and forgetting things that were said 5 minutes ago…grrrrr… then his boss (also my boss, grrr) finds me later, pinches my cheeks and says something smart about it. WTF?!
so I’m not in trouble. In fact, I’m in a really good position of NOT in trouble after this situation. I may even be able to get another position that’s live off at this university which would be good for money reasons. I make good money that will eventually pay for my stay at the mental institution.
Sigh. So I’m job hunting. Again. Third time’s a charm right? I am so screwed. How do I find a job with an institution that 1. matches my core values 2. pays enough? Not to mention that the entire realm of Higher Education is quickly going down the toilet as we focus more on getting students in for tuition and less on standards, learning and socialization? I’m not talking socialization like drinking and puking in the potted plants in the lobby. I’m talking events, programs, study groups that teach people how to actually live as a contributing member of society.
No- we basically dump them here, take the money and complain when they don’t succeed. “What’s wrong with students today?” A coworker asked me almost 4 years ago. I really looked into it and found a lot of risk factors and societal contributions to the collective failings of today’s youth. But ultimately, I think we give them a task with no clear directive or feedback and when they are missing the key components, say “Why couldn’t you read our minds?” except they’re paying US, not like how I’m getting paid to be completely screwed over. So they’re twice screwed. Plus you have professors who need to get published and research to bring prestige to the school and less time on their overcrowded classrooms. Oh there are some exceptions but higher education has set the standard to suck just a little more each year.
I want to make a difference. I want to sell a different ideal for higher education. But I also want to just take the time to take care of myself, and maybe have a different life. One where I illustrate and have a family, and don’t have a little bald spot from where I rub my fingers in frustration every day.
Bigger picture: I can’t do ANYTHING, whether it be illustration, writing a book or being the best in my current job being the overweight, slightly buzzed, and slowly drowning in the toxic fat dump that is my body. How many years? How many fresh starts? this is ridiculous.
By the way, 170 days left. What is that? 24 weeks?
So, I’ll need to make that priority one. Then the illustration and job searching are a pretty even tie. I won’t give up. I want to give up. I really just want to quit my job, move into my parents basement and just cry for a month. I’m so tired of being angry, frustrated and afraid of everything in the outside world. And there’s a LOT to be afraid of out there. I really dont’ know how the rest of the world manages it, but I know I’m ready to join them and face the risks than stay in here and wish I was braver.
Maybe I should have been an accountant?
skybluestateofmind
/ January 16, 2012I hear you regarding job hunting the higher education in this country!! I have seen extremely low-paid academic jobs (30k), and I was like, “Why wouldn’t I just go flip a burger at McDonald’s?” Seriously! Higher Education is turning into a joke: tuition inflation, grade inflation, student attitude, faculty attitude, social attitude, education policies, politics… It’s ridiculous to see “average Americans” bashing teachers (remember the Wisconsin fiasco?) when most teachers or academic employees are paid rather poorly, while the REAL problem is the ADMINISTRATORS, who are paid six figures doing nothing productive, and without any accountability! This country has become so 99% vs. 1% it’s disheartening.
I totally get how you feel about the frustration with weight. I don’t have anything constructive to say, except that we just have to keep trying our best, because we don’t have a choice. *Hugs*
Good luck with the job hunting! At least you have your parents’ basement to move back to (although, can’t you just have your old room back?
).
Maybe consider that PhD thing again? You can then become a better paid administrator AND be in a position to make a difference, instead of having to deal with moronic bosses and coworkers?
I seriously think that I chose the wrong profession, and now I am too trapped to start over (or maybe that’s just my fear talking)… Accounting sounds promising…
missmccracken
/ January 17, 2012The thing about the PhD is, what if I really end up just hating this line of work? Do I want to invest thousands of dollars just for something I don’t want anymore? I have to consider this. Higher Ed is messed up on so many levels. Blah. There’s still a part inside that believes we can make a positive change, but that’s exhausting.
Yes! We will take excellent care of ourselves this year and see results!
This is it!
I think I really just needed to vent. I’m working on a new, more positive post..well, maybe not POSITIVE, but more than not.
Bruce H.
/ January 17, 2012I’ve been trying to figure out what I should write in my comment and I’m coming up short. Everything thing I think of seems a little inadequate or is an weak platitude.
You know I wish you all the luck in the world and that I support you in any way I can. Sadly, all i have to offer are fleeting words.
missmccracken
/ January 20, 2012Bruce, you never have “just words”-you’re one of the most authentic people I’ve met, well, you know like online-meet.
I appreciate the support and encouragement!
Mel Heth
/ January 20, 2012I want to give you a hug and buy you a drink after reading this. What I’ve learned from experiences where I’ve felt stuck is that one change can create a domino effect. In 2005, I was in a job I hated, I was down on myself, struggling financially and lacking any sort of love life. The only way out I could see was to just quit my job and hope I could find freelance work. Which I didn’t find nearly enough of, so I worked as a nanny. Then 3 months in, I got a huge break – a job found ME – and it ended up being a wonderful one for 6+ years. And everything else in my life turned around with it. Sometimes you have to do something crazy to get big results. I’m thinking good thoughts for you, sister!
missmccracken
/ January 20, 2012Thanks Mel-this is totally comforting. I mean. If other people have these experiences and turn out okay (meaning you) than I feel like this is not quite so crazy. But screw it if it IS crazy, because at least we keep moving forward!
justagirl15
/ January 20, 2012I am impressed by your positivity and can do-ness. Don’t miss this about yourself; it is awesome and I could use a lesson in it!
I too would like to move to the parents basement and cry for a month but I think The Boy would protest.